Jokes And Funny Stories

Toyota vs Ford canoe race

Shadow — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:27:51

Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American  company (Ford Motor Co.) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River    Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak  performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.  A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.


Not sure of how to utilize that information,  but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's  management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors,  2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering  manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.  It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers.  There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.  The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.


The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.  The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddl es,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India

Sadly, the End.

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out  of theUS , claiming they can't make money paying American  wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US

The last quarter's results:

TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits  while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still  scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses.

IF  THIS WEREN'T SO TRUE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY

I finally figured out HOW TO MAKE A BABY!

MobileTerminal — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 17:58:06

You might not want to watch this if you're really skirmish. This person definitely has talent, but ...

Story behind the creepy video is here: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/07/creepiness-continues.html

The Three Little Pigs-Italian Style

JoAnn — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:44:44

The Three Little Pigs-Italian Style

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.

One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick Pig let the straw pig in.

Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!!!

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!"

So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up...
Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living sh*t out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf. T hen they got back into their shiny big black Caddy and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked.

"Those were my cousins...the Guinea Pigs

Kids Say The Darnedest Things

JoAnn — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 07:44:46

Why do we love children?

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the ba! ck of t he van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he vari! ous app liances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pa ir of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school . 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. Wha t he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

What's in the water at Burger King?

MobileTerminal — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 10:33:46

http://www.wdtn.com/global/vid.....t1=News&h1=Video shows BK employee bathing in sink